Relationship is allowing yourself to be vulnerable, and creating a safe place for another to be so too.

Gilbert Marriage Counseling by Serene Self, PLLC

We humans are social beings, and we need safe secure attachments. We seek these attachments the moment we are born into this world and keep forming them until we go to our graves.

We are also creatures of habit, so we often get into negative patterns that either ambush these relationships or just distance our loved ones from us.

Marriage Counseling Gilbert AZ
Marriage Counseling Gilbert AZ

We are capable of unconditional learning as we grow up, so we form our behaviors based on what we see, and think is effective. Even though we love our partners, our learned behaviors get in the way and cause damage as the other person may not be prepared or know how to handle them.

Therefore, sometimes we need to look into our own behaviors that’s driving the other person away.

At the same time, we might also not know how to communicate our love to our partner. It might seem like we are speaking two different languages. Both trying to communicate the love but unable to do so because both people can’t understand each other. Thus, creating communication problems in relationships.

Additionally, couples also complain about lack of sexual intimacy. Sexual intimacy is not merely about sex, it is about, understanding each other’s needs. It’s about taking the risk of being open to each other, asking, and working together towards a common goal. The goal being not merely the physical aspects of sex, but the intimacy and understanding that corresponds with it.

To make the mix even more interesting we bring in different personalities into a relationship. What feels right to one person might not to another. It would make it easier if we had the same personality but terribly boring. Therefore, marriage or being a couple is an art of blending the two personalities to form a shade of harmony that makes both personalities be able to walk side by side holding each other’s hand.

Gilbert Marriage Counseling
Gilbert Marriage Counseling

Harmony doesn’t mean, no conflicts. I believe conflicts are healthy expressions of personality. In fact, being able to resolve the conflicts safely and repair damages to be back to each other is the true color of harmony.

Being in a healthy relationship or a marriage is not merely a magic of learning communication skills, conflict resolution, and sex; it is deeper than that.  Relationships are not transactions, but more so about recognizing the needs of each other and understanding what makes the other person feel unsafe. It is to understand and know each other’s vulnerability and allow space for growth. It’s about knowing that you can come back to each other and that you’ll be still be held lovingly.

Couples and Marriage Counseling in Gilbert

Couples and marriage counseling Gilbert AZ sessions, allows you to look in to the attitudes and behaviors that trap you into a negative cycle of loneliness and despair.

I use Emotionally Focused Therapy to help couples’ bond with each other positively, to create a safe place to understand the needs of one another, and to comprehend the complicated entanglements that often occur. We focus on communication skills and conflict resolution by digging deeper into the core emotions and thoughts that create disharmony. The skills you will learn from me are not mere transactional skills, they are more of life skills to build a beautiful life together with your partner.

Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) was originated by Dr. Sue Johnson in the 1980s. Her methodology is based on Attachment Theory by Bowlby. She studied adult relationships and patterns to understand the attachment bonds which formulate ways to help couples relieve marital distress. Through strategies and interventions based on the last 30 years of research, EFT has shown that approximately 90% couples show significant improvements.

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